Why surrogacy?

Like I said in my previous post, I first started thinking about surrogacy after my first daughter was born.  She wasn’t planned, but quickly became my whole world.  I knew people and had friends who had a difficult time conceiving, and some still haven’t been able to become pregnant.  There was a part of me that felt guilty for having a child that wasn’t planned while there were other people out there who desperately wanted nothing more but to be a parent, but for whatever reason couldn’t.  What could I do?  Was there any way that I could help?  I could surrogate.  I know that’s not something that can help everyone in any situation, but it was something.

I began revisiting the idea a few months ago.  Now that I know our family is complete, and now that my babies are 14 months old, it seems like it would be the perfect time.  I am 30 years old and I am in great physical health.  I have carried three children to term, and all were born healthy.  My twin pregnancy wasn’t perfect; there was the normal morning sickness during the first few months and I had to have B12 injections and iron supplements towards the end, but in the grand scheme of things that’s all pretty minor.  I carried my daughter to 39w 3d and my twins to 37w 6d with no signs of labour prior.  My delivery with my daughter was vaginal with no epidural, and my delivery with my twins was an easy scheduled C-section, only because they were both breech.  I’ve been told by friends, family members, doctors and midwives that I am a “natural” at growing and delivering babies, that this was what I was meant to do.

On the flip side, there are people out there who are natural parents.  They love kids and kids love them.  They desperately want to become moms or dads.  It’s what they were meant to do.  But they need some help.  It seems like the obvious pairing, me and them, doesn’t it?  I am meant to do one part and they are meant to do the other.  I could be their baby’s temporary home.

My husband and I have had several conversations about me becoming a surrogate.  He’s had some reservations, which I will discuss another day, but overall he has been supportive.  He understands why I want to do this and he’s on board.  He has also had friends who have had difficulties getting or staying pregnant, so he gets it.  He is one of those people who was meant to be a dad and empathizes with people who are having a tough time.  I know that if we follow this path he will be by my side no matter what.  He’s even asked to contribute to this blog to give his side of the story and his thoughts on the journey.

I have yet to seriously bring up the idea of surrogacy with my family (aside from my sister… more of that conversation to come…) but when I have brought it up with a few people the question I get is, “Won’t it be hard to give the baby up?”  Maybe this is something that speaks to my ability to detach, which likely came from the nature of the work I do, but this has never been something that has concerned me.  It’s not my baby.  It was never my baby and it will never be my baby, therefore no, I don’t think it will be hard to give up.  I have my own family and my own children.  I don’t want any more!  Maybe if there was still a part of me that wanted more kids, then maybe it would be hard.  But I don’t.  We are done.  My husband had a vasectomy on Friday, that’s how done we are!  My mom asked if I was sad the morning that he had the vasectomy, and I wasn’t.  It was an easy decision and I am confident that we made the right one.  Yes, it will be different than holding someone else’s baby for a few minutes and giving it back.  I get that.  But because I know right from the start that it’s not mine and that it already has parents who love it and are so excited to meet it, it won’t be as hard as people think it will be.

I know that moving forward with surrogacy won’t be all puppies and rainbows.  There are a lot of considerations that I need to flush out so we can decide if this is something I am capable of doing, and to be completely confident in our decision.  But it does seem like a pretty cool thing to do, doesn’t it?

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